Trigger Warning: Mention of rape.
Hello, my name is Nicky McLellan and I was blessed to have been raised in a Christian home with my two loving parents, older brother and younger sister in BC. My parents have always had a strong relationship with Christ and this was always something I wanted for myself but it wasn’t until recently when I really gave my whole heart to Christ.
I was baptized at the age of six and this truly was something I wanted, I even got to choose who baptized me. I adored my Sunday school teacher and decided that I wanted her to be the one to baptize me and the fact that she was paralyzed from the waist down and lived her life in a wheelchair didn’t stand in our way. The church did the baptisms down at the lake, where they were able to roll my Sunday school teacher, Karen, into the water. She placed her arms around me and I was drenched in the water of The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit. The whole experience was incredible, I remember it vividly, I even remember the part when I leaned against Karen’s wheelchair and almost baptized her haha.
Life carried on and I continued to go to bible camps in the summer, youth group during the week and Sunday morning services, but my relationship with Christ was not very strong and my heart continued to long. I started to care more about things of this earth then God and searched for love and acceptance in other ways. My life began to crumble under my feet at the age of thirteen when I was raped by my boyfriend at the time. After that, I was so ashamed of myself. I felt I could not bring my pain to God so I continued my search to find love in the men around me and I surrounded myself with people who encouraged this painful lifestyle. My skin got thicker and my heart became hard; I was so lost.
When my family heard God calling us back to Saskatchewan, I was just finishing high school and I saw that as an opportunity to have the life I truly wanted. Moving to these beautiful prairies has been one of the greatest things to happen to me, I got the new life I wanted and I left my old life behind. I promised myself that I was going to bury my sin and pain so it would not affect this new life I was about to create. I wanted to come back to Christ but I still did not know how to confess my sinful life to him, I felt too much shame to bring that into his presence, so I tried to go about my spiritual walk avoiding confessing my sins to him.
One of the greatest blessings I received when I moved to this province, was my husband. I thought I finally had everything I ever wanted but my heart still longed, the wounds of my past still hurt and my soul wept in silence. When my husband and I were going through marriage preparation classes with Pastor Rod and his wife Leanne from my parents church in Hepburn, I had my eyes opened up to the Lord’s grace through Leanne. She shared with me that the Lord sees my pain and has wept with me over the years as I tried to carry this burden alone. She opened my eyes to the truth that God wants me to lay my sins down at his feet, not so he may condemn me but rather so he may carry my burdens for me. I felt lighter the moment I heard these words and I wept because I knew that THIS was truly the new life I wanted. It was made clear to me that no hole was deep enough to hide my sin and pain away, the only way I was going to heal was to bring this to the feet of Jesus so that it may die on the cross with him. I asked for forgiveness with my whole heart and welcomed Jesus back into my life. I longed for a life free from the chains of my sin and when I surrendered these sins to God, I was free and because of this I did not have to bring that pain into my marriage.
2 Corinthians 5:17 says “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
Since that day, God has made me new, I live freely from that pain PRAISE THE LORD!
Romans 5:3 says “More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.”
I rejoice in this life that I have lived for it has challenged my character and built my relationship with Christ stronger. I would not have the strength and endurance to take on everything God has placed into my life, without him.
I am so grateful God called me to Forest Grove Community Church and that I am becoming a member for the first time. I feel the Lord working with me in every area of my life and I look forward to building relationships with God’s people here in this place and continuing to sing his glory.